THE OFFICIAL LYRICS OF
What if This CD... Had Lyrics?
1) DUCKTALES WITH LYRICS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
DUCKS, YES DUCKS IN OUTER SPACE
FROM THE DISNEY AFTERNOON, TO THE MOON!
WAIT UNCLE SCROOGE, YOU NEED A SUIT OUT THERE
HOW ARE YOU ALIVE? (HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?)
YOU NEED HEAT (YOU NEED HEAT) ALSO AIR (ALSO AIR)
THAT’S GOTTA BE ONE EXPENSIVE CANE
YOU ARE UP ON THE MOON LOOKING FOR TREASURE,
YOU’VE GONE INSANE
OHHHHHH
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
YEAH, YOU’RE REALLY GREEDY AND YOU’RE OLD
YOU’VE GOT A CREEPY SCOTTISH ACCENT DUDE, AND YOU BATHE IN GOLD
BATHE IN GOLD! (THAT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR YOU)
THIS OUGHTA BE THE ENDING CREDITS THEME
IT’S A SOARING SONG FLYING HIGH LIKE A DREAM
BUT IT WAS USED AS A LEVEL TUNE, UNDERSCORING THE LIFE OF A RETARDED MALLARD
ON THE FUCKING MOON!
ABBADABBA
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
OH, I HOPE YOU KEEP ME IN THE WILL
YOU COULD BUY THE MOON AND SAY “PUT IT ON MY BILL”
ON MY BILL! YOU’RE A DUCK, OH MY GOD!
YOU’VE BEEN ON EVERY SINGLE CONTINENT FROM AFRICA TO ASIA TO COLD ANTARCTICA
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT DUCKS FLEW FAR AWAY IN WINTERTIME
BUT YOU TOOK IT WAY TOO FAR-CTICA, WAY TOO FAR-CTICA!
WAIT UNCLE SCROOGE, WON’T YOU TAKE ME ALONG?
YOU’RE A NINCOMPOOP. BUT IT’S SUCH, SUCH A GREAT SONG!
THOUGH YOU’RE A BIRD, YOU’RE NO WISE OLD OWL.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM: OUR SHUTTLE CAPTAIN’S A RAVING WATERFOWL.
OH MY GOD HE IS A
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
DUDE, YOUR NEPHEWS MISS YOU PLEASE GO BACK
KEEP ON FINDING GOLD AND JEWELS, JUST LAY OFF THE QUACK.
OFF THE QUACK! IT’S A PUN AND IT’S ABOUT DUCKS!
OHHHHHH
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
MOON!
3) TETRIS WITH LYRICS
(ONE-Y AND A TWO-EY AND A THREE AND FOUR)
SHAPES MADE OF FOUR COLORED BLOCKS LIKE A T OR A BOX COME DOWN LIKE FALLING BRICKS
YOU CAN PLACE THEM IN ROWS, BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THEY MADE THIS GAME FOR CHICKS (HEY!)
MOM JUST LOVES TO FLIP AND STACK
GRANDMA SAYS THIS SHIT IS LIKE CRACK! (WELL IT IS!)
THIS IS THE GAME GIRLS DESERVE, THERE IS NO LEARNING CURVE
WHICH MAKES IT GREAT FOR NOOBS (GRRREAT FOR NOOBS!)
IT WILL FILL YOU WITH GLEE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A VAJ AND BOOBS (HEY!)
YOUR MOM LOVES IT, MINE DOES TOO (MINE DOES TOO)
CALL ME SEXIST, BITCH IT'S STILL TRUE (JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE BITCH PART)
DEEP IN A GIRL'S DAINTY BRAIN, THERE'S A SPOT NEAR A VEIN (RIGHT HERE)
WHICH REGULATES THEIR BLISS (THE T-SPOT)
ONCE THEY SEE FALLING BLOCKS, THE T-SPOT UNLOCKS
AND THEY START TO SING LIKE THIS (SING!)
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
WE LOVE TETRIS, LA LA LA LA
HERE IS A TRICK I HAVE LEARNED
TO AVOID GETTING BURNED
WHEN YOU PISS OFF YOUR CHICK (I’M SO MAD!)
IF YOU SING THIS ON KEY,
IMMEDIATELY SHE'LL FORGET THAT YOU'RE A DICK (TRY IT!)
LA LA LA LA (I'M STILL MAD.) LA LA LA (IS THAT THE TETRIS SONG?)
LA LA LA LA (I LOVE TETRIS!) LA LA LA (I’M HAPPY NOW!)
TETRIS HELPS WHEN CHICKS WANT TO NEUTER US (SNIP, SNIP, SNIP)
IF YOU LOVE IT, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A UTERUS!
4) COREY (THE “SGC SECRET SONG”)
EVERY DAY I OPEN UP MY LAPTOP AND LOG ON TO SCREWATTACK.COM
‘CAUSE THERE’S A SPECIAL SOMEONE I’M LONGING TO GAZE UPON
WHAT A VERY SPECIAL PERSON WHO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE
AT LEAST SHE’S VERY SPECIAL TO ME...
COREY, BABY WHAT’S YOUR STORY?
YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL ON SCREWATTACK, AND EVEN THOUGH JOSE’S GOT A NICER RACK
I’D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, I’D EVEN BUY A POWER GLOVE
TO SMASH A QUESTION BOX AND FIND THE POWER-UP OF LOVE!
THE THINGS I FEEL FOR YOU ARE SELF-EXPLANATORY
OH-WOH-OH-OH... COREY.
(VERSE TWO)
COREY, THERE IS NO CATEGORY
WITH WHICH TO DESCRIBE THE WAY YOU MAKE LIFE FUN
YOU’RE LIKE ZELDA, SAMUS, PEACH, AND LARA CROFT IN ONE
I’D BE HONORED AND OBLIGED IF YOU’D TRADE CONSOLES WITH ME
I COULD PLUG RIGHT INTO YOUR XBOX AND YOU COULD MESS AROUND WITH MY WII
NOW I KNOW I’M CRASS AND VULGAR, BUT IT’S NOT MEANT TO BE DEROGATORY
OH-WOH-OH-OH... COREY... YEAH!
I KNOW I’M NOT SO GREAT AT SUBTLETY
WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING ODES
AND I’M ALWAYS GONNA HAVE TO STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU DON’T LIKE BATTLETOADS,
NO!
AND I KNOW I’M NOT THAT SMART,
I CAN’T EVEN TIE MY OWN SHOELACES
BUT I DON’T CARE IF YOU BURP, NO BABY I DON’T CARE IF YOU FART
AND I WOULD EAT CHICKEN SALAD RIGHT OUTTA YOUR BRACES,
RIGHT OUTTA YOUR BRACES, YEAH!
COREY, LET’S WRITE OUR OWN LOVE STORY
SHOW ME HOW TO FIND YOUR HIDDEN CASTLE
EVEN THOUGH I’M BALD AND KIND OF AN ASSHOLE
ALL THE G1’S AGREE, BABY YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ PRIZE
AND I WANNA BE IN COREY’S CORNER ONE DAY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’ GUYS,
YOU’RE A CLASSY, CLASSY CHICK, I JUST WISH YOU WERE A LITTLE MORE WHOREY
OH-WOH-OH-OH...
OH-WOH-OH-OH...
OH-OH-OH-OH...
COREY... YEAH!
5) FINAL FANTASY VICTORY THEME WITH LYRICS
YOU JUST GOT PWNED, FTW!
NOW YOU'RE DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD CAUSE WE KILLED YOU
WE TOOK YOU BY SURPRISE (HMM? BOO! AAAH!)
WE JUST SAW YOU ROAMING THE FOREST
AND SAID LET'S KILL THOSE GUYS (YEAH! GOOD IDEA!)
YOU'RE A SQUIRREL WHO SOMEHOW HAS MONEY
AND SOMETIMES SWORDS AND SHIELDS
I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A CUTE BUNNY,
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS FOR REALZ!
LET’S ALL DANCE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR CORPSES,
WE'RE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE DEAD (YAY! WOO-HOO! WHEE!)
NOW WE MIGHT PLAY CHESS ON YOUR CARCASS
OR SOCCER WITH YOUR HEAD
LA LA LA, YOU'RE DEAD, LA LA LA LA
WE KILLED YOU, LA LA LA
NO REMORSE, LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!
YEAH!
6) GOOD EXAMPLE
[SPOKEN INTRO]
LEMME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT A GUY YOU DON'T KNOW, YO
MY STRAIGHT UP MATE UP IN THE STATE OF O-HI-O, YO
A REAL SWELL DUDE WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE
HE DOESN'T DRINK, HE DOESN'T SMOKE AND HE'S NEVER EVER RUDE
HE'S A TEACHER, GLAD TO MEET-CHA AND HE PLAYS HIM SOME B-BALL
DEGREE IN PE, HE KNOWS THE WAY TO BE, Y'ALL
HE'S COMPETITIVE, AHEAD OF IT, HE'LL NEVER RETREAT
BUT HE ALWAYS SHAKES HANDS AFTER WIN OR DEFEAT
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
TEACHES DISCIPLINE AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, HO!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
HE'S GOT A BETTER SET OF ETIQUETTE THAN YOU OR ME, SO...
YOU DON'T WANNA MESS, HIS BEST WILL PUT YOU TO THE TEST
HE'S SUPER-FAST, HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS AT MARIO KART DS
SO IF YOU WANNA PLAY A MASTER, JUST GIVE HIM A JINGLE
HE'S STABLE, STRONG AND ABLE, AND LADIES: HE'S SINGLE
HE DON'T NEED BLING, HE DON'T CARRY NO GLOCKS
HE DON'T NEED TO LIFT WEIGHTS, HE'S GOOD RIGHT OUTTA THE BOX,
FROM THE CHOCOLATE LOCKS TO HIS FRESH GYM SOCKS
I'M HIS NUMBER ONE FAN, THIS DUDE FUCKIN' ROCKS
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
TEACHES INTEGRAL & CRITICAL DECISION MAKING SUCKA!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
AND HE'D NEVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE “FUCK YOU, MOTHAFUCKA!”
HE LIKES
BOARD GAMES
ROUTINES
THE RAT PACK
THE A-TEAM
RAINBOW SIX
YOUNG MC
AND APPARENTLY ME!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
HE'S A CREDIT TO SOCIETY AND TAKES A MORAL STANCE, HO!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
AND IF YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY YOU MIGHT GET TO SEE HIM DANCE, YO.
7) MEGA MAN 3 WITH LYRICS
I AM MEGA MAN (MEGA MAN)
I'M BLUE AND CYAN (TWO DIFFERENT COLORS)
THE CREATION OF DR. LIGHT, OR "RIGHT" IF YOU ARE FROM JAPAN—ALSO KNOWN AS ROCKMAN.
MY MEGA BUSTER CAN CUT THE MUSTARD, I'M A FLUSTERED AMPUTEE
POW POW!
EIGHT ROBOT BOSSES IN EIGHT LEVELS DISHEVEL AND REVEL IN DEVILRY,
I'LL STEAL THEIR WEAPONRY
MEGA MEGA MAN MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MAN MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA
MEGA MAN!
I AM ALSO KNOWN AS THE "BLUE BOMBER"
I COULD SHOOT THE LEGS OFF JEFFREY DAHMER
KILL A ROBOT FISH, KILL A ROBOT FROG,
AND THEN I RIDE OFF ON MY ROBOT DOG (WHEEE!)
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN THREE.
(PART THREE)
(ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE FOUR)
I AM MEGA MAN
I GOT A MOTHERFUCKIN' GUN FOR A HAND
PUT TOGETHER BY DR. RIGHT OR LIGHT IF YOU'RE AMERICAN
I EAT ALL MY MEGA BRAN
I LIVE IN 2-D AND IT'S MY DUTY TO DESTROY THE MASTER BOTS
POW POW!
IF YOU'RE AGHAST AND YOU CAN'T LAST THERE'S A FAST WAY TO PASS ALL THOSE BASTARD BOTS:
BLUE AND RED PASSWORD DOTS!
MEGA MEGA MAN, MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MAN, MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA
MEGA MAN!
I AM ALSO KNOWN AS “THE BLUE BOMBER”
YES, I VOTED FOR BA-ROCKMAN OBAMA
AS FOR ROBOT HELP, DOGS ARE MUCH PREFERRED
'CAUSE I CAN'T DO SHIT WITH A ROBOT BIRD
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN, THREE!
(PART THREE!)
8) BUBBLE MAN WITH LYRICS
[SOUNDSCAPE INTRO]
YOU’RE GONNA DIE! I’LL TELL YOU WHY: BUBBLES! BUBBLES!
MY TOOLS ARE CLEAN! BY THAT I MEAN: BUBBLES! BUBBLES?!
YOU’RE IN TROUBLE, MAKE IT DOUBLE, I’LL REDUCE YOU TO MEGA RUBBLE
I’M NOT SUBTLE, GRAB A SHOVEL, DIG YOUR GRAVE OR YOU’LL DIE IN A BIG PUDDLE
OH, MEGA MAN YOU’VE MESSED WITH THE WRONG ROBOT THIS TIME
FACE MY WRATH, I’M GONNA CLEAN YOUR CLOCK WITH A BIG BUBBLE BATH
I’VE GOT SOAP AND WATER TOO, I’M GONNA MIX IT ALL TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME BUBBLES
WHICH I’LL USE FOR KILLING YOU!
YOU BETTER SHAVE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE WITH STUBBLES!
...ON YOUR FACE.
I WILL SCUTTLE YOU WITH BUBBLES, PICK UP YOUR LIMBS LIKE A MIME AND JUGGLE
YOU WON’T ESCAPE MY SPIKY AQARIUM OF DOOM, AND WHAT’S MORE:
I HAD CHIPOTLE FOR LUNCH, NOW THERE’S BUBBLES GALORE!
BUBBLES FULL OF POO POO GAS; HOW ELSE COULD ANYBODY WEAPONIZE A BUBBLE?
POISON BUBBLES FROM MY ASS; WHEN YOU BLOW UP THEY’RE GONNA SEE IT FROM THE HUBBLE!
AH, MEGA MAN, YOU'VE FINALLY ARRIVED! HAVE AT YOU!
[BUBBLE MAN DIES IMMEDIATELY.]
9) FINAL FANTASY CLASSIC WITH LYRICS
ONCE AGAIN THE WORLD MIGHT FALL PREY TO AN ANCIENT EVIL
ONCE AGAIN WE'RE HURLED INTO DARKNESS AND GREAT UPHEAVAL
THOSE WHO CAN ENLIST, LET'S UNITE AND WE'LL FIGHT TOGETHER
WE MUST SAVE THE CRYSTALS OR ORBS OR THE MOON—WHATEVER.
COME, LET'S FLY! WE'LL SAIL WHERE THE WIND MAY TAKE US THROUGH THAT STARRY SKY,
‘CAUSE APPARENTLY BACK THEN THEY HAD SHIPS THAT COULD DO THAT
DRAW YOUR SWORD AND STICK IT IN TREES THAT HAVE HUMAN FEATURES
JOURNEY TOWARD THE THICKET AND STEAL SHIT FROM WOODLAND CREATURES
THOUGH THE VILLAIN SHAMES US, WE'LL PWN ALL HIS DARK ABETTORS
FUNNY HOW OUR NAMES ALL CONTAIN LESS THAN SEVEN LETTERS
SHINE YOUR LIGHT, THE FORCES OF EVIL CAN'T OUTLAST A MAGE, A KNIGHT, A WEIRD LITTLE KID AND A NINJA MASTER
KEY CHANGE, MOFO!
RAISE OUR LEVELS HIGH CROSS THE MOUNTAINS AND PLAINS AND OCEANS
DON'T FORGET TO BUY SEVERAL BUTTLOADS OF TENTS AND POTIONS
STORM THE VILLAIN'S HIDEOUT AND KEEP YOUR COURAGEOUS SPIRIT
SCREAM A BATTLE CRY LOUD ENOUGH THAT THE BITCH CAN HEAR IT
FINALLY, THE HUNTER OF SOULS SHALL BE THE HUNTED
NOW THEY'LL SEE WE'LL SAVE HUMANKIND LIKE WE ALWAYS WANTED
WHEN WE WERE LITTLE
SUMMER VACATION,
DANCING IN OUR JAMMIES,
CAUSE WE BEAT FINAL FANTASY!
YEAH!
10) A BOY AND HIS BLOB MINI-LYRIC
THERE’S A BLOB AND THERE’S A BOY
THERE’S A BOY AND THERE’S A BLOB
THERE’S A BOY HERE, THERE’S A BLOB HERE
THERE’S A BOY AND ALSO A BLOB
BOY, BLOB, BOY, BLOB
BLOB, BOY, BLOB BOY,
BOY, BLOB, BLOB BOY, BLOYB!
11) GOTTA RUN/BE THE ONE FEAT. THE MEGAS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
THE MEGAS:
IN THE YEAR 200X, DR. LIGHT CREATED A SUPER ROBOT NAMED MEGA MAN
MEGA MAN DEFEATED DR. WILY ONCE.
NOW, DR. WILY HAS CREATED EIGHT NEW ROBOTS OF HIS OWN.
MY NAME IS MEGA MAN, AND I’LL DO ALL I CAN TO SAVE MANKIND.
BRENTALFLOSS:
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, AND SPRYLY,
GOTTA CLIMB GOTTA CLIMB NOW, WAY UP HIGHLY
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU, DR. WILY
I AM MEGA MAN, HERE’S MY MEGA PLAN, YOU DIE!
THE MEGAS:
METAL MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
BUBBLE MAN!
THE MEGAS:
AIR MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
QUICK MAN!
THE MEGAS:
WOOD MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
HEAT MAN!
THE MEGAS:
FLASH MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
CRASH MAN.
THE MEGAS:
DEFEATED.
BRENTALFLOSS:
YEAH!
THE MEGAS:
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS FOR JUSTICE, I WANT TO BE THE ONE
(I’VE GOT TO BE THE ONE)
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS AGAINST YOU, DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS:
ALTHOUGH I LIKE YOUR MUSTACHE.
THE MEGAS:
I’VE BEEN BUILT BY DR. LIGHT, A ROBOT BUILT TO FIGHT FOR WHAT’S RIGHT AGAINST WRONG.
BRENTALFLOSS
I AM MEGA MAN, THAT’S MY MEGA PLAN, FLY FLY!
THE MEGAS:
I WILL SAVE ALL OF YOU, IT’S MEGA MAN PART TWO, I’M DRESSED IN BLUE, THIS IS MY SONG.
BRENTALFLOSS:
KILLIN’ TIME IS NIGH, WILY’S GONNA DIE, THAT’S YOU!
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, SO FAST-PACED
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, IT’S A RAT RACE
GONNA GET GONNA GET THAT BALDING ASSFACE,
YEAH, THIS GAME IS GRAND, YEAH IT’S MEGA MAN PART TWO!
PART THREE WAS GOOD AND FOUR WAS PRETTY GOOD, AND FIVE AND SIX WERE OKAY, BUT SEVEN SUCKED BIG DINOSAUR BALLS!
WUH-POW POW!
THE MEGAS:
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I FOUGHT
BRENTALFLOSS:
ME EITHER DUDE.
THE MEGAS:
I BEAT YOUR EIGHT ROBOTS, IT’S TIME YOU’RE STOPPED, DR. WILY.
BRENTALFLOSS:
HERE WE GO!
THE MEGAS:
READY, IT’S TIME TO GET SET, PUT ON YOUR BLUE HELMET, THIS TIME WE’LL GET DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GUY SMILEY
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, BILL O’REILLY
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU, DR. WILY,
I AM MEGA MAN...
THE MEGAS AND BRENTALFLOSS:
LET’S GET HIM!
BRENTALFLOSS:
‘CAUSE DR. WILY IS AN OLD NASTY SON OF A TAINT
HE CAN ESCAPE SO SLYLY, BUT NOT THIS TIME.
HE THINKS HE’S LEAVING, BUT HE AIN’T!
THE MEGAS:
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS FOR JUSTICE, I WANT TO BE THE ONE
(I’VE GOT TO BE THE ONE)
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS AGAINST YOU, DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN...
ALTHOUGH I LIKE YOUR MUSTACHE
THE MEGAS:
MY NAME IS MEGA MAN, AND I’LL DO ALL I CAN TO SAVE MANKIND.
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, JUMP OR FALL
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, ANDY WARHOL
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL,
I AM MEGA MAN, HERE’S MY MEGA PLAN, YOU DIE!
12) PAPERBOY WITH LYRICS FEAT. THE KONAMI KODE
[SPOKEN INTRO]
DON’T YOU KNOW ME? I’M YOUR PAPERBOY.
THROWING BUNDLES OF NEWSPAPER JOY,
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD’S A LOONY BIN
I’D RATHER THROW THE NEWS IN COMPTON
IF YOU LIVE HERE, YOU’RE PROBABLY CRAZY
LOCK YOUR DOG UP, STOP THAT BABY!
I’M ON DUTY, IT’S ALL ABOUT DISCIPLINE
PLEASE DON’T STRIKE ME WITH THAT ROLLING PIN
I SOMETIMES MISS WHEN I THROW
SORRY I BROKE YOUR WINDOW
CAN’T MANEUVER ON A DRAINAGE DITCH
CARS DON’T STOP HERE, THEY’LL JUST HIT A BITCH
[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK WITH SPOKEN BANTER]
CAN’T STOP RIDING, IT’S JUST WHAT I DO
MY BIKE PEDALS ARE GLAZED WITH SUPERGLUE
I’M ON MY BIKE, PERPETUALLY
I LAY IN BED, BIKE LAYS WITH ME
ON THIS SIDE STREET, RULES ARE STRICT AND TIGHT
NEW SUBSCRIBERS, PAINT YOUR HOUSE WHITE
I HAVE NIGHTMARES, SHAKING AT THE WHEEL
THEN I WAKE UP AND DO IT FOR REAL
NOW FAULTY AIM MAY OCCUR, SORRY I THREW THE PAPER AT A CAR AND KILLED YOUR FATHER
NOW IT’S SUNDAY, I AM DONE, I’M OUT
FUCK THESE NUTBAGS, FUCK THIS PAPER ROUTE
I’M GONNA GET A JOB AT WAL-MART.
14) FINAL FANTASY IV LOVE THEME WITH LYRICS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS
OH I’M SERIOUSLY I HATE YOU GUYS
I COULD NEVER OVEREMPHASIZE
JUST HOW MUCH I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS
OH, I HATE YOU MORE THAN TWEAK
OH YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FUCKIN’ WEAK
EVEN WHEN WE’RE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK
IN YOUR MOUTH I WANNA TAKE A LEAK
YOU GOT ME CLIMBING UP THE WALLS, YOU REALLY OUGHT TO SUCK MY BALLS
IF NOT MY BALLS, AT LEAST MY TAINT OR MY DONG.
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. SUCK MY BALLS.
15) THE ROOMMATE SONG
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME,
SITTING WITH HIS HAND UPON HIS LAP...
FILLING MY COMPUTER SCREEN WITH PICTURES DIRTY AND OBSCENE
IT MAY BE THE LAST BEFORE I SNAP
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME,
LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE GUILTY EYES,
GRABBING A BLANKET IN ONE SWIFT MOTION, NOT TO MENTION MY BOTTLE OF LOTION
I MAY HAVE TO SAY MY LAST GOODBYES
I UNDERSTAND THE PRIMAL NEED TO RELIEVE ONESELF OF COURSE
AND I’VE ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT SOME GUYS LIKE WATCHING GIRLS JERK OFF A HORSE
BUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THE RUDENESS, THE LACK OF COURTESY
IT’S OKAY TO USE MY TOWEL BUT NOT WITHOUT ASKING ME... OKAY?
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
AND ASK HIM TO DELETE THREE GIGS OF PORN
I MEAN I’M NOT USUALLY PICKY, BUT MY KEYBOARD’S ALWAYS STICKY
SO EXCUSE ME IF I TREAT HIM WITH SOME SCORN!
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
NOT LOOKING QUITE SO GUILTY ANYMORE
HE SAYS “NAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST STAY, I’M ABOUT TO BLOW IT ANYWAY.”
I THINK I MAY JUST PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR
I DON’T MIND HOW HE TRIES SOMETIMES TO MAKE OUT WITH THE SCREEN
JUST A SPRAY OR TWO OF WINDEX AND FOR A DAY OR TWO IT’S CLEAN
NOW I DON’T LIKE TO CONDESCEND AND I DON’T WANT TO NAG
BUT IF YOU VIOLATE ONE OF MY BAGELS, DON’T PUT IT BACK IN THE FUCKING BAG!
SO IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
SITTING THERE IN STOLEN LINGERIE,
HOLDING IN HIS ROSY PALM A TOPLESS PICTURE OF—MY MOM!?
I DON’T THINK I’M GONNA LET HIM STAY.
BUT MAYBE I WILL.
16) DR. MARIO WITH LYRICS
I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I AM SAVING LIVES
I LOOK DIFFERENT IN THIS GAME,
(I LOST THE HAT, GOT A COAT, DOCTOR LIGHT, STETHOSCOPE)
I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I PRESCRIBE HIGH FIVES
LAUGHTER'S THE BEST MEDICINE, SO BAH-HAH-HAH YOU FELL DOWN.
IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, I'M THE FINEST DOC BY FAR
(WHAT?! LIAR! BOO.)
I GOT MY DEGREE BY WATCHING HOUSE AND SCRUBS AND E.R.
BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! (PILLS)
THEY'LL CURE ALL YOUR ILLS! (ILLS)
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT FEVER OR THE CHILLS (COLD)
TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS... GOOD, NOW LET'S SEE...
TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH...
OKAY, NOW DO ME.
PLEASE?
DOES IT HURT TO PEE? (NO.)
IS IT HARD TO SEE? (NO.)
I AM DIAGNOSING YOU WITH HPV (OH.)
YOU'VE GOT MONONUCLEOSIS, HALITOSIS, SCOLIOSIS, FIFTEEN DAYS IS MY PROGNOSIS
YOU NEED RED AND BLUE PILL DOSES!
YOU'VE GOT SCABIES AND PHLEBITIS, CHRONIC RABIES, HEPATITIS,
YOU'LL BE BRAVE AND YOU'LL UNITE US, THEN YOU'LL DIE OF MENENGITIS
WAIT WAIT—I'M WRONG—YOU HAVE... CRABS.
BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! (PILLS)
THEY'LL CURE ALL YOUR ILLS! (ILLS)
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT FEVER OR THE CHILLS!
TAKE IT FLOSS!
(I’M PLAYIN’ THE PIANO AND I’M PLAYIN’ REALLY GOOD AHNNAHNNA)
DR. MARIO!
18) MUSHROOM KINGDOM
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, YOU’RE A SCARY PLACE
THERE’S A TEACUP COPTER WITH A SCARY CLOWN FACE,
OH POOP. IT’S KING KOOP.
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE
UNLESS A HERO COMES TO SAVE YOUR POPULI...
OF FUNGI.
OH MY!
MARIO!
BUSTS OUT OF A PIPE!
YOUR SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED!
HE’LL SAVE YOUR EXTRA LIFE!
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, NOW YOU’RE CASTLE’S BREACHED.
KOOPA’S GONNA HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS PRINCESS PEACH IN REACH.
MUSHROOM KINGDOM YOU ARE GROWING WILD
WHO WILL BATTLE THIS REDHEAD STEPCHILD AND WIN? (AGAIN.)
IT’S HIM! YEAH!
MARIO!
HE GETS MAD SUPERPOWERS
FROM EATING LEAVES AND FLOWERS
AND HE CAN GO FOR HOURS
MARIO!
GRAB THAT TAIL REAL TIGHT!
SPIN WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!
AND WATCH THAT DOUCHE TAKE FLIGHT!
MARIO!
19) ZELDA WITH LYRICS
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THIS MUSIC? ...WELL DUH!
WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN' LEGEND OF ZELDA!
HERE WE GO NOW:
I'M AN OLD MAN AND THIS CAVE IS MY HOME
TAKE THIS IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE
NOW JOURNEY ACROSS A SPOOKY LAND
YOU HOLD IN YOUR HAND A SWORD THAT SHOOTS LASER BEAMS
WON'T YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN, DRESSED UP LIKE PETER PAN,
ON A QUEST GREATER THAN YOUR DREAMS!
(THAN YOUR DREAMS, THAN YOUR DREAMS, FLEEMY GEEMY DEEMY)
GO, LINK!
FROM HERE TO OVER THERE, YOU'LL FIND GANON'S LAIR,
C'MON IT'S YOUR DESTINY!
TRUST THE HERO INSIDE, BUT IF YOU'RE TERRIFIED, PURCHASE THE STRATEGY GUIDE FROM ME
(FOURTEEN DOLLARS, ALSO TAX, HERE YA GO NOW)
ZELDA IS HELPLESS AND DISTRAUGHT, BUT MOSTLY SHE'S HOT
SO HURRY!
JUST STEADY THY COURSE,
GO FIND THAT TRIFORCE
THEN TAKE IT BY FORCE!
AND MAYBE SHE'LL TOUCH YOUR WANG, TOUCH YOUR WANG, TOUCH YOUR THANG,
RANG-A-DANG-A-LANG-A
GO, LINK!
GET YOUR MAN ON!
SEEK OUT GANON!
GO INVADE HIS BARRICADE!
STICK YOUR BLADE IN, SAVE THE MAID AND YOU JUST MIGHT GET...
LAID!
WOH-OH-WOH-WOH-WOH
IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE...TAKE THIS!
20) THE END?
[SPOKEN INTRO]
BRENTALFLOSS’ FIRST CD IS FUCKIN’ OVER! SEE YA NEXT TIME! MAMMY!
[SPOKEN BREAK]
I LOVE YA BABY,
BRENTALFLOSS’ FIRST CD IS FUCKIN’ OVER, YEAH! OVER!
What if This CD... Had Lyrics?
1) DUCKTALES WITH LYRICS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
DUCKS, YES DUCKS IN OUTER SPACE
FROM THE DISNEY AFTERNOON, TO THE MOON!
WAIT UNCLE SCROOGE, YOU NEED A SUIT OUT THERE
HOW ARE YOU ALIVE? (HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?)
YOU NEED HEAT (YOU NEED HEAT) ALSO AIR (ALSO AIR)
THAT’S GOTTA BE ONE EXPENSIVE CANE
YOU ARE UP ON THE MOON LOOKING FOR TREASURE,
YOU’VE GONE INSANE
OHHHHHH
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
YEAH, YOU’RE REALLY GREEDY AND YOU’RE OLD
YOU’VE GOT A CREEPY SCOTTISH ACCENT DUDE, AND YOU BATHE IN GOLD
BATHE IN GOLD! (THAT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR YOU)
THIS OUGHTA BE THE ENDING CREDITS THEME
IT’S A SOARING SONG FLYING HIGH LIKE A DREAM
BUT IT WAS USED AS A LEVEL TUNE, UNDERSCORING THE LIFE OF A RETARDED MALLARD
ON THE FUCKING MOON!
ABBADABBA
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
OH, I HOPE YOU KEEP ME IN THE WILL
YOU COULD BUY THE MOON AND SAY “PUT IT ON MY BILL”
ON MY BILL! YOU’RE A DUCK, OH MY GOD!
YOU’VE BEEN ON EVERY SINGLE CONTINENT FROM AFRICA TO ASIA TO COLD ANTARCTICA
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT DUCKS FLEW FAR AWAY IN WINTERTIME
BUT YOU TOOK IT WAY TOO FAR-CTICA, WAY TOO FAR-CTICA!
WAIT UNCLE SCROOGE, WON’T YOU TAKE ME ALONG?
YOU’RE A NINCOMPOOP. BUT IT’S SUCH, SUCH A GREAT SONG!
THOUGH YOU’RE A BIRD, YOU’RE NO WISE OLD OWL.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM: OUR SHUTTLE CAPTAIN’S A RAVING WATERFOWL.
OH MY GOD HE IS A
CRAZY DUCK IN SPACE!
DUDE, YOUR NEPHEWS MISS YOU PLEASE GO BACK
KEEP ON FINDING GOLD AND JEWELS, JUST LAY OFF THE QUACK.
OFF THE QUACK! IT’S A PUN AND IT’S ABOUT DUCKS!
OHHHHHH
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
SCROOGE MCDUCK YOU’RE ON THE
MOON!
3) TETRIS WITH LYRICS
(ONE-Y AND A TWO-EY AND A THREE AND FOUR)
SHAPES MADE OF FOUR COLORED BLOCKS LIKE A T OR A BOX COME DOWN LIKE FALLING BRICKS
YOU CAN PLACE THEM IN ROWS, BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THEY MADE THIS GAME FOR CHICKS (HEY!)
MOM JUST LOVES TO FLIP AND STACK
GRANDMA SAYS THIS SHIT IS LIKE CRACK! (WELL IT IS!)
THIS IS THE GAME GIRLS DESERVE, THERE IS NO LEARNING CURVE
WHICH MAKES IT GREAT FOR NOOBS (GRRREAT FOR NOOBS!)
IT WILL FILL YOU WITH GLEE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A VAJ AND BOOBS (HEY!)
YOUR MOM LOVES IT, MINE DOES TOO (MINE DOES TOO)
CALL ME SEXIST, BITCH IT'S STILL TRUE (JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE BITCH PART)
DEEP IN A GIRL'S DAINTY BRAIN, THERE'S A SPOT NEAR A VEIN (RIGHT HERE)
WHICH REGULATES THEIR BLISS (THE T-SPOT)
ONCE THEY SEE FALLING BLOCKS, THE T-SPOT UNLOCKS
AND THEY START TO SING LIKE THIS (SING!)
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
WE LOVE TETRIS, LA LA LA LA
HERE IS A TRICK I HAVE LEARNED
TO AVOID GETTING BURNED
WHEN YOU PISS OFF YOUR CHICK (I’M SO MAD!)
IF YOU SING THIS ON KEY,
IMMEDIATELY SHE'LL FORGET THAT YOU'RE A DICK (TRY IT!)
LA LA LA LA (I'M STILL MAD.) LA LA LA (IS THAT THE TETRIS SONG?)
LA LA LA LA (I LOVE TETRIS!) LA LA LA (I’M HAPPY NOW!)
TETRIS HELPS WHEN CHICKS WANT TO NEUTER US (SNIP, SNIP, SNIP)
IF YOU LOVE IT, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A UTERUS!
4) COREY (THE “SGC SECRET SONG”)
EVERY DAY I OPEN UP MY LAPTOP AND LOG ON TO SCREWATTACK.COM
‘CAUSE THERE’S A SPECIAL SOMEONE I’M LONGING TO GAZE UPON
WHAT A VERY SPECIAL PERSON WHO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE
AT LEAST SHE’S VERY SPECIAL TO ME...
COREY, BABY WHAT’S YOUR STORY?
YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL ON SCREWATTACK, AND EVEN THOUGH JOSE’S GOT A NICER RACK
I’D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, I’D EVEN BUY A POWER GLOVE
TO SMASH A QUESTION BOX AND FIND THE POWER-UP OF LOVE!
THE THINGS I FEEL FOR YOU ARE SELF-EXPLANATORY
OH-WOH-OH-OH... COREY.
(VERSE TWO)
COREY, THERE IS NO CATEGORY
WITH WHICH TO DESCRIBE THE WAY YOU MAKE LIFE FUN
YOU’RE LIKE ZELDA, SAMUS, PEACH, AND LARA CROFT IN ONE
I’D BE HONORED AND OBLIGED IF YOU’D TRADE CONSOLES WITH ME
I COULD PLUG RIGHT INTO YOUR XBOX AND YOU COULD MESS AROUND WITH MY WII
NOW I KNOW I’M CRASS AND VULGAR, BUT IT’S NOT MEANT TO BE DEROGATORY
OH-WOH-OH-OH... COREY... YEAH!
I KNOW I’M NOT SO GREAT AT SUBTLETY
WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING ODES
AND I’M ALWAYS GONNA HAVE TO STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU DON’T LIKE BATTLETOADS,
NO!
AND I KNOW I’M NOT THAT SMART,
I CAN’T EVEN TIE MY OWN SHOELACES
BUT I DON’T CARE IF YOU BURP, NO BABY I DON’T CARE IF YOU FART
AND I WOULD EAT CHICKEN SALAD RIGHT OUTTA YOUR BRACES,
RIGHT OUTTA YOUR BRACES, YEAH!
COREY, LET’S WRITE OUR OWN LOVE STORY
SHOW ME HOW TO FIND YOUR HIDDEN CASTLE
EVEN THOUGH I’M BALD AND KIND OF AN ASSHOLE
ALL THE G1’S AGREE, BABY YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ PRIZE
AND I WANNA BE IN COREY’S CORNER ONE DAY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’ GUYS,
YOU’RE A CLASSY, CLASSY CHICK, I JUST WISH YOU WERE A LITTLE MORE WHOREY
OH-WOH-OH-OH...
OH-WOH-OH-OH...
OH-OH-OH-OH...
COREY... YEAH!
5) FINAL FANTASY VICTORY THEME WITH LYRICS
YOU JUST GOT PWNED, FTW!
NOW YOU'RE DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD CAUSE WE KILLED YOU
WE TOOK YOU BY SURPRISE (HMM? BOO! AAAH!)
WE JUST SAW YOU ROAMING THE FOREST
AND SAID LET'S KILL THOSE GUYS (YEAH! GOOD IDEA!)
YOU'RE A SQUIRREL WHO SOMEHOW HAS MONEY
AND SOMETIMES SWORDS AND SHIELDS
I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A CUTE BUNNY,
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS FOR REALZ!
LET’S ALL DANCE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR CORPSES,
WE'RE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE DEAD (YAY! WOO-HOO! WHEE!)
NOW WE MIGHT PLAY CHESS ON YOUR CARCASS
OR SOCCER WITH YOUR HEAD
LA LA LA, YOU'RE DEAD, LA LA LA LA
WE KILLED YOU, LA LA LA
NO REMORSE, LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!
YEAH!
6) GOOD EXAMPLE
[SPOKEN INTRO]
LEMME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT A GUY YOU DON'T KNOW, YO
MY STRAIGHT UP MATE UP IN THE STATE OF O-HI-O, YO
A REAL SWELL DUDE WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE
HE DOESN'T DRINK, HE DOESN'T SMOKE AND HE'S NEVER EVER RUDE
HE'S A TEACHER, GLAD TO MEET-CHA AND HE PLAYS HIM SOME B-BALL
DEGREE IN PE, HE KNOWS THE WAY TO BE, Y'ALL
HE'S COMPETITIVE, AHEAD OF IT, HE'LL NEVER RETREAT
BUT HE ALWAYS SHAKES HANDS AFTER WIN OR DEFEAT
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
TEACHES DISCIPLINE AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, HO!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
HE'S GOT A BETTER SET OF ETIQUETTE THAN YOU OR ME, SO...
YOU DON'T WANNA MESS, HIS BEST WILL PUT YOU TO THE TEST
HE'S SUPER-FAST, HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS AT MARIO KART DS
SO IF YOU WANNA PLAY A MASTER, JUST GIVE HIM A JINGLE
HE'S STABLE, STRONG AND ABLE, AND LADIES: HE'S SINGLE
HE DON'T NEED BLING, HE DON'T CARRY NO GLOCKS
HE DON'T NEED TO LIFT WEIGHTS, HE'S GOOD RIGHT OUTTA THE BOX,
FROM THE CHOCOLATE LOCKS TO HIS FRESH GYM SOCKS
I'M HIS NUMBER ONE FAN, THIS DUDE FUCKIN' ROCKS
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
TEACHES INTEGRAL & CRITICAL DECISION MAKING SUCKA!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
AND HE'D NEVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE “FUCK YOU, MOTHAFUCKA!”
HE LIKES
BOARD GAMES
ROUTINES
THE RAT PACK
THE A-TEAM
RAINBOW SIX
YOUNG MC
AND APPARENTLY ME!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
HE'S A CREDIT TO SOCIETY AND TAKES A MORAL STANCE, HO!
HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE
(HE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE BITCH.)
AND IF YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY YOU MIGHT GET TO SEE HIM DANCE, YO.
7) MEGA MAN 3 WITH LYRICS
I AM MEGA MAN (MEGA MAN)
I'M BLUE AND CYAN (TWO DIFFERENT COLORS)
THE CREATION OF DR. LIGHT, OR "RIGHT" IF YOU ARE FROM JAPAN—ALSO KNOWN AS ROCKMAN.
MY MEGA BUSTER CAN CUT THE MUSTARD, I'M A FLUSTERED AMPUTEE
POW POW!
EIGHT ROBOT BOSSES IN EIGHT LEVELS DISHEVEL AND REVEL IN DEVILRY,
I'LL STEAL THEIR WEAPONRY
MEGA MEGA MAN MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MAN MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA
MEGA MAN!
I AM ALSO KNOWN AS THE "BLUE BOMBER"
I COULD SHOOT THE LEGS OFF JEFFREY DAHMER
KILL A ROBOT FISH, KILL A ROBOT FROG,
AND THEN I RIDE OFF ON MY ROBOT DOG (WHEEE!)
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN THREE.
(PART THREE)
(ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE FOUR)
I AM MEGA MAN
I GOT A MOTHERFUCKIN' GUN FOR A HAND
PUT TOGETHER BY DR. RIGHT OR LIGHT IF YOU'RE AMERICAN
I EAT ALL MY MEGA BRAN
I LIVE IN 2-D AND IT'S MY DUTY TO DESTROY THE MASTER BOTS
POW POW!
IF YOU'RE AGHAST AND YOU CAN'T LAST THERE'S A FAST WAY TO PASS ALL THOSE BASTARD BOTS:
BLUE AND RED PASSWORD DOTS!
MEGA MEGA MAN, MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MAN, MEGA MEGA MAN
MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA
MEGA MAN!
I AM ALSO KNOWN AS “THE BLUE BOMBER”
YES, I VOTED FOR BA-ROCKMAN OBAMA
AS FOR ROBOT HELP, DOGS ARE MUCH PREFERRED
'CAUSE I CAN'T DO SHIT WITH A ROBOT BIRD
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN, THREE!
(PART THREE!)
8) BUBBLE MAN WITH LYRICS
[SOUNDSCAPE INTRO]
YOU’RE GONNA DIE! I’LL TELL YOU WHY: BUBBLES! BUBBLES!
MY TOOLS ARE CLEAN! BY THAT I MEAN: BUBBLES! BUBBLES?!
YOU’RE IN TROUBLE, MAKE IT DOUBLE, I’LL REDUCE YOU TO MEGA RUBBLE
I’M NOT SUBTLE, GRAB A SHOVEL, DIG YOUR GRAVE OR YOU’LL DIE IN A BIG PUDDLE
OH, MEGA MAN YOU’VE MESSED WITH THE WRONG ROBOT THIS TIME
FACE MY WRATH, I’M GONNA CLEAN YOUR CLOCK WITH A BIG BUBBLE BATH
I’VE GOT SOAP AND WATER TOO, I’M GONNA MIX IT ALL TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME BUBBLES
WHICH I’LL USE FOR KILLING YOU!
YOU BETTER SHAVE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE WITH STUBBLES!
...ON YOUR FACE.
I WILL SCUTTLE YOU WITH BUBBLES, PICK UP YOUR LIMBS LIKE A MIME AND JUGGLE
YOU WON’T ESCAPE MY SPIKY AQARIUM OF DOOM, AND WHAT’S MORE:
I HAD CHIPOTLE FOR LUNCH, NOW THERE’S BUBBLES GALORE!
BUBBLES FULL OF POO POO GAS; HOW ELSE COULD ANYBODY WEAPONIZE A BUBBLE?
POISON BUBBLES FROM MY ASS; WHEN YOU BLOW UP THEY’RE GONNA SEE IT FROM THE HUBBLE!
AH, MEGA MAN, YOU'VE FINALLY ARRIVED! HAVE AT YOU!
[BUBBLE MAN DIES IMMEDIATELY.]
9) FINAL FANTASY CLASSIC WITH LYRICS
ONCE AGAIN THE WORLD MIGHT FALL PREY TO AN ANCIENT EVIL
ONCE AGAIN WE'RE HURLED INTO DARKNESS AND GREAT UPHEAVAL
THOSE WHO CAN ENLIST, LET'S UNITE AND WE'LL FIGHT TOGETHER
WE MUST SAVE THE CRYSTALS OR ORBS OR THE MOON—WHATEVER.
COME, LET'S FLY! WE'LL SAIL WHERE THE WIND MAY TAKE US THROUGH THAT STARRY SKY,
‘CAUSE APPARENTLY BACK THEN THEY HAD SHIPS THAT COULD DO THAT
DRAW YOUR SWORD AND STICK IT IN TREES THAT HAVE HUMAN FEATURES
JOURNEY TOWARD THE THICKET AND STEAL SHIT FROM WOODLAND CREATURES
THOUGH THE VILLAIN SHAMES US, WE'LL PWN ALL HIS DARK ABETTORS
FUNNY HOW OUR NAMES ALL CONTAIN LESS THAN SEVEN LETTERS
SHINE YOUR LIGHT, THE FORCES OF EVIL CAN'T OUTLAST A MAGE, A KNIGHT, A WEIRD LITTLE KID AND A NINJA MASTER
KEY CHANGE, MOFO!
RAISE OUR LEVELS HIGH CROSS THE MOUNTAINS AND PLAINS AND OCEANS
DON'T FORGET TO BUY SEVERAL BUTTLOADS OF TENTS AND POTIONS
STORM THE VILLAIN'S HIDEOUT AND KEEP YOUR COURAGEOUS SPIRIT
SCREAM A BATTLE CRY LOUD ENOUGH THAT THE BITCH CAN HEAR IT
FINALLY, THE HUNTER OF SOULS SHALL BE THE HUNTED
NOW THEY'LL SEE WE'LL SAVE HUMANKIND LIKE WE ALWAYS WANTED
WHEN WE WERE LITTLE
SUMMER VACATION,
DANCING IN OUR JAMMIES,
CAUSE WE BEAT FINAL FANTASY!
YEAH!
10) A BOY AND HIS BLOB MINI-LYRIC
THERE’S A BLOB AND THERE’S A BOY
THERE’S A BOY AND THERE’S A BLOB
THERE’S A BOY HERE, THERE’S A BLOB HERE
THERE’S A BOY AND ALSO A BLOB
BOY, BLOB, BOY, BLOB
BLOB, BOY, BLOB BOY,
BOY, BLOB, BLOB BOY, BLOYB!
11) GOTTA RUN/BE THE ONE FEAT. THE MEGAS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
THE MEGAS:
IN THE YEAR 200X, DR. LIGHT CREATED A SUPER ROBOT NAMED MEGA MAN
MEGA MAN DEFEATED DR. WILY ONCE.
NOW, DR. WILY HAS CREATED EIGHT NEW ROBOTS OF HIS OWN.
MY NAME IS MEGA MAN, AND I’LL DO ALL I CAN TO SAVE MANKIND.
BRENTALFLOSS:
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, AND SPRYLY,
GOTTA CLIMB GOTTA CLIMB NOW, WAY UP HIGHLY
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU, DR. WILY
I AM MEGA MAN, HERE’S MY MEGA PLAN, YOU DIE!
THE MEGAS:
METAL MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
BUBBLE MAN!
THE MEGAS:
AIR MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
QUICK MAN!
THE MEGAS:
WOOD MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
HEAT MAN!
THE MEGAS:
FLASH MAN.
BRENTALFLOSS:
CRASH MAN.
THE MEGAS:
DEFEATED.
BRENTALFLOSS:
YEAH!
THE MEGAS:
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS FOR JUSTICE, I WANT TO BE THE ONE
(I’VE GOT TO BE THE ONE)
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS AGAINST YOU, DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS:
ALTHOUGH I LIKE YOUR MUSTACHE.
THE MEGAS:
I’VE BEEN BUILT BY DR. LIGHT, A ROBOT BUILT TO FIGHT FOR WHAT’S RIGHT AGAINST WRONG.
BRENTALFLOSS
I AM MEGA MAN, THAT’S MY MEGA PLAN, FLY FLY!
THE MEGAS:
I WILL SAVE ALL OF YOU, IT’S MEGA MAN PART TWO, I’M DRESSED IN BLUE, THIS IS MY SONG.
BRENTALFLOSS:
KILLIN’ TIME IS NIGH, WILY’S GONNA DIE, THAT’S YOU!
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, SO FAST-PACED
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, IT’S A RAT RACE
GONNA GET GONNA GET THAT BALDING ASSFACE,
YEAH, THIS GAME IS GRAND, YEAH IT’S MEGA MAN PART TWO!
PART THREE WAS GOOD AND FOUR WAS PRETTY GOOD, AND FIVE AND SIX WERE OKAY, BUT SEVEN SUCKED BIG DINOSAUR BALLS!
WUH-POW POW!
THE MEGAS:
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I FOUGHT
BRENTALFLOSS:
ME EITHER DUDE.
THE MEGAS:
I BEAT YOUR EIGHT ROBOTS, IT’S TIME YOU’RE STOPPED, DR. WILY.
BRENTALFLOSS:
HERE WE GO!
THE MEGAS:
READY, IT’S TIME TO GET SET, PUT ON YOUR BLUE HELMET, THIS TIME WE’LL GET DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GUY SMILEY
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, BILL O’REILLY
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU, DR. WILY,
I AM MEGA MAN...
THE MEGAS AND BRENTALFLOSS:
LET’S GET HIM!
BRENTALFLOSS:
‘CAUSE DR. WILY IS AN OLD NASTY SON OF A TAINT
HE CAN ESCAPE SO SLYLY, BUT NOT THIS TIME.
HE THINKS HE’S LEAVING, BUT HE AIN’T!
THE MEGAS:
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS FOR JUSTICE, I WANT TO BE THE ONE
(I’VE GOT TO BE THE ONE)
I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO FIGHTS AGAINST YOU, DR. WILY
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
MEGA MAN, MEGA MAN...
ALTHOUGH I LIKE YOUR MUSTACHE
THE MEGAS:
MY NAME IS MEGA MAN, AND I’LL DO ALL I CAN TO SAVE MANKIND.
BRENTALFLOSS: (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, JUMP OR FALL
GOTTA RUN GOTTA RUN NOW, ANDY WARHOL
GONNA GET GONNA GET YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL,
I AM MEGA MAN, HERE’S MY MEGA PLAN, YOU DIE!
12) PAPERBOY WITH LYRICS FEAT. THE KONAMI KODE
[SPOKEN INTRO]
DON’T YOU KNOW ME? I’M YOUR PAPERBOY.
THROWING BUNDLES OF NEWSPAPER JOY,
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD’S A LOONY BIN
I’D RATHER THROW THE NEWS IN COMPTON
IF YOU LIVE HERE, YOU’RE PROBABLY CRAZY
LOCK YOUR DOG UP, STOP THAT BABY!
I’M ON DUTY, IT’S ALL ABOUT DISCIPLINE
PLEASE DON’T STRIKE ME WITH THAT ROLLING PIN
I SOMETIMES MISS WHEN I THROW
SORRY I BROKE YOUR WINDOW
CAN’T MANEUVER ON A DRAINAGE DITCH
CARS DON’T STOP HERE, THEY’LL JUST HIT A BITCH
[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK WITH SPOKEN BANTER]
CAN’T STOP RIDING, IT’S JUST WHAT I DO
MY BIKE PEDALS ARE GLAZED WITH SUPERGLUE
I’M ON MY BIKE, PERPETUALLY
I LAY IN BED, BIKE LAYS WITH ME
ON THIS SIDE STREET, RULES ARE STRICT AND TIGHT
NEW SUBSCRIBERS, PAINT YOUR HOUSE WHITE
I HAVE NIGHTMARES, SHAKING AT THE WHEEL
THEN I WAKE UP AND DO IT FOR REAL
NOW FAULTY AIM MAY OCCUR, SORRY I THREW THE PAPER AT A CAR AND KILLED YOUR FATHER
NOW IT’S SUNDAY, I AM DONE, I’M OUT
FUCK THESE NUTBAGS, FUCK THIS PAPER ROUTE
I’M GONNA GET A JOB AT WAL-MART.
14) FINAL FANTASY IV LOVE THEME WITH LYRICS
[SPOKEN INTRO]
I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS
OH I’M SERIOUSLY I HATE YOU GUYS
I COULD NEVER OVEREMPHASIZE
JUST HOW MUCH I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS
OH, I HATE YOU MORE THAN TWEAK
OH YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FUCKIN’ WEAK
EVEN WHEN WE’RE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK
IN YOUR MOUTH I WANNA TAKE A LEAK
YOU GOT ME CLIMBING UP THE WALLS, YOU REALLY OUGHT TO SUCK MY BALLS
IF NOT MY BALLS, AT LEAST MY TAINT OR MY DONG.
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. SUCK MY BALLS.
15) THE ROOMMATE SONG
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME,
SITTING WITH HIS HAND UPON HIS LAP...
FILLING MY COMPUTER SCREEN WITH PICTURES DIRTY AND OBSCENE
IT MAY BE THE LAST BEFORE I SNAP
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME,
LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE GUILTY EYES,
GRABBING A BLANKET IN ONE SWIFT MOTION, NOT TO MENTION MY BOTTLE OF LOTION
I MAY HAVE TO SAY MY LAST GOODBYES
I UNDERSTAND THE PRIMAL NEED TO RELIEVE ONESELF OF COURSE
AND I’VE ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT SOME GUYS LIKE WATCHING GIRLS JERK OFF A HORSE
BUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THE RUDENESS, THE LACK OF COURTESY
IT’S OKAY TO USE MY TOWEL BUT NOT WITHOUT ASKING ME... OKAY?
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
AND ASK HIM TO DELETE THREE GIGS OF PORN
I MEAN I’M NOT USUALLY PICKY, BUT MY KEYBOARD’S ALWAYS STICKY
SO EXCUSE ME IF I TREAT HIM WITH SOME SCORN!
IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
NOT LOOKING QUITE SO GUILTY ANYMORE
HE SAYS “NAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST STAY, I’M ABOUT TO BLOW IT ANYWAY.”
I THINK I MAY JUST PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR
I DON’T MIND HOW HE TRIES SOMETIMES TO MAKE OUT WITH THE SCREEN
JUST A SPRAY OR TWO OF WINDEX AND FOR A DAY OR TWO IT’S CLEAN
NOW I DON’T LIKE TO CONDESCEND AND I DON’T WANT TO NAG
BUT IF YOU VIOLATE ONE OF MY BAGELS, DON’T PUT IT BACK IN THE FUCKING BAG!
SO IF I HAVE TO WALK IN ON MY ROOMMATE ONE MORE TIME
SITTING THERE IN STOLEN LINGERIE,
HOLDING IN HIS ROSY PALM A TOPLESS PICTURE OF—MY MOM!?
I DON’T THINK I’M GONNA LET HIM STAY.
BUT MAYBE I WILL.
16) DR. MARIO WITH LYRICS
I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I AM SAVING LIVES
I LOOK DIFFERENT IN THIS GAME,
(I LOST THE HAT, GOT A COAT, DOCTOR LIGHT, STETHOSCOPE)
I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I PRESCRIBE HIGH FIVES
LAUGHTER'S THE BEST MEDICINE, SO BAH-HAH-HAH YOU FELL DOWN.
IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, I'M THE FINEST DOC BY FAR
(WHAT?! LIAR! BOO.)
I GOT MY DEGREE BY WATCHING HOUSE AND SCRUBS AND E.R.
BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! (PILLS)
THEY'LL CURE ALL YOUR ILLS! (ILLS)
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT FEVER OR THE CHILLS (COLD)
TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS... GOOD, NOW LET'S SEE...
TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH...
OKAY, NOW DO ME.
PLEASE?
DOES IT HURT TO PEE? (NO.)
IS IT HARD TO SEE? (NO.)
I AM DIAGNOSING YOU WITH HPV (OH.)
YOU'VE GOT MONONUCLEOSIS, HALITOSIS, SCOLIOSIS, FIFTEEN DAYS IS MY PROGNOSIS
YOU NEED RED AND BLUE PILL DOSES!
YOU'VE GOT SCABIES AND PHLEBITIS, CHRONIC RABIES, HEPATITIS,
YOU'LL BE BRAVE AND YOU'LL UNITE US, THEN YOU'LL DIE OF MENENGITIS
WAIT WAIT—I'M WRONG—YOU HAVE... CRABS.
BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! (PILLS)
THEY'LL CURE ALL YOUR ILLS! (ILLS)
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT FEVER OR THE CHILLS!
TAKE IT FLOSS!
(I’M PLAYIN’ THE PIANO AND I’M PLAYIN’ REALLY GOOD AHNNAHNNA)
DR. MARIO!
18) MUSHROOM KINGDOM
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, YOU’RE A SCARY PLACE
THERE’S A TEACUP COPTER WITH A SCARY CLOWN FACE,
OH POOP. IT’S KING KOOP.
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE
UNLESS A HERO COMES TO SAVE YOUR POPULI...
OF FUNGI.
OH MY!
MARIO!
BUSTS OUT OF A PIPE!
YOUR SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED!
HE’LL SAVE YOUR EXTRA LIFE!
MUSHROOM KINGDOM, NOW YOU’RE CASTLE’S BREACHED.
KOOPA’S GONNA HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS PRINCESS PEACH IN REACH.
MUSHROOM KINGDOM YOU ARE GROWING WILD
WHO WILL BATTLE THIS REDHEAD STEPCHILD AND WIN? (AGAIN.)
IT’S HIM! YEAH!
MARIO!
HE GETS MAD SUPERPOWERS
FROM EATING LEAVES AND FLOWERS
AND HE CAN GO FOR HOURS
MARIO!
GRAB THAT TAIL REAL TIGHT!
SPIN WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!
AND WATCH THAT DOUCHE TAKE FLIGHT!
MARIO!
19) ZELDA WITH LYRICS
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THIS MUSIC? ...WELL DUH!
WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN' LEGEND OF ZELDA!
HERE WE GO NOW:
I'M AN OLD MAN AND THIS CAVE IS MY HOME
TAKE THIS IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE
NOW JOURNEY ACROSS A SPOOKY LAND
YOU HOLD IN YOUR HAND A SWORD THAT SHOOTS LASER BEAMS
WON'T YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN, DRESSED UP LIKE PETER PAN,
ON A QUEST GREATER THAN YOUR DREAMS!
(THAN YOUR DREAMS, THAN YOUR DREAMS, FLEEMY GEEMY DEEMY)
GO, LINK!
FROM HERE TO OVER THERE, YOU'LL FIND GANON'S LAIR,
C'MON IT'S YOUR DESTINY!
TRUST THE HERO INSIDE, BUT IF YOU'RE TERRIFIED, PURCHASE THE STRATEGY GUIDE FROM ME
(FOURTEEN DOLLARS, ALSO TAX, HERE YA GO NOW)
ZELDA IS HELPLESS AND DISTRAUGHT, BUT MOSTLY SHE'S HOT
SO HURRY!
JUST STEADY THY COURSE,
GO FIND THAT TRIFORCE
THEN TAKE IT BY FORCE!
AND MAYBE SHE'LL TOUCH YOUR WANG, TOUCH YOUR WANG, TOUCH YOUR THANG,
RANG-A-DANG-A-LANG-A
GO, LINK!
GET YOUR MAN ON!
SEEK OUT GANON!
GO INVADE HIS BARRICADE!
STICK YOUR BLADE IN, SAVE THE MAID AND YOU JUST MIGHT GET...
LAID!
WOH-OH-WOH-WOH-WOH
IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE...TAKE THIS!
20) THE END?
[SPOKEN INTRO]
BRENTALFLOSS’ FIRST CD IS FUCKIN’ OVER! SEE YA NEXT TIME! MAMMY!
[SPOKEN BREAK]
I LOVE YA BABY,
BRENTALFLOSS’ FIRST CD IS FUCKIN’ OVER, YEAH! OVER!